I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
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The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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