You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
