dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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