Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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