I could make wine with my vomit
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
