Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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