what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
sarcasm needs its own font
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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