i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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