First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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