I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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