She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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