Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
