Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
