don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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