you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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