That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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