Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
