Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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