He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You ruined the universe
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
