Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
