i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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