I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
