i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
