Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
