fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
