I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
