I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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