I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
