Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
