I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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