I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
