My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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