when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
