i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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