We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
