Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
