your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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