she smelled like a LAN party
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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