Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
