And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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