Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
