covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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