State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
