We named our party play list daddy issues
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
