New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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