glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together