I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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