I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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