you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
