if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize