I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
