I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
