So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
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if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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