Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
