RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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