she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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