im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
