I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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