i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
