"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
A+ Viking dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
