There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
