just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
