I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
