You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
